So Past A Dub

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  How to Annoy Everyone at the Watchtower Study

  by So Past A Dub in

  1. social
  2. humour

  i thought you good folks might enjoy this post from http://www.thelaughingapostate.com/.

  s.p.a.d., who is one old cantankerous apostate, has been noticing of late that several of you brave souls still find yourselves in a situation where you have to attend meetings at least now and then.

  i feel for you good folks and i think it is high time that all of us chip in with ideas of how to reduce the boredom and suffering you must endure.

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  So Past A Dub

  I thought you good folks might enjoy this post from http://www.thelaughingapostate.com/
  
  1. During the opening song, sing the Batman tune during the chorus.
  2. You can learn Morse code, and have conversations with friends during the meeting consisting entirely of tapping your chair with a pen going: " Beeeep Bip Bip Beeep Bip ..."
  3. If you are forced to act as if you are making a contribution, get one of those free shareware check writing programs to use your computer to print out a bogus check from Charles Taze Russell and be sure to fill in the “memo” section by writing: “for sensual massage.”
  4. If you work behind the magazine counter, you can easily use a glue stick to glue pages together of the magazines and books.
  5. You can easily mess with someone’s mind by going in the bathroom and using the free catchup packets to squirt “blood” on the toilet seat and in the bowl.
  6. You can buy these harmless saline nasal sprays and use it constantly during the meeting to sniffle loudly during the meeting. It will show your true dedication to coming while sick, and make everyone worry that they are about to catch something.
  7. Forget the punch line to a long uplifting spiritual experience but assure them that it was a wonderful story and that you will retell it when you remember the ending.
  8. Reply in each answer you give to the Watchtower or book study questions, “ Well the Governing Body thinks…”
  9. Make beeping noises when a large brother or sister backs up.
  10. Invent nonsense scriptural quotations in conversations, and see if they play along to avoid the appearance of ignorance.
  11. When talking to someone at the hall or answering questions at the meeting, don’t end your sentence and make them think you still have more to say *this drives microphone carriers nuts.
  12. During the meeting disassemble your pen and "accidentally" flip the ink cartridge across the room.
  13. Drum your fingers on every available surface when you are sitting in the meeting.
  14. If you can get to the meeting before anyone else, set the clocks fast.
  15. Buy several orange traffic cones and reroute traffic away from the Kingdom Hall entrance
  16. If you want to make a cash donation in the contribution box, pay only in loose pennies
  17. When elders talk to you, repeat everything they say as a question.
  18. When giving any presentation from the stage, use your body language to freak people out by occasionally bobbing your head like a parrot, etc.
  19. Wear a name badge at the Kingdom Hall
  20. Borrow pens and pencils from other publishers and chew on them.
  21. When talking to someone you don’t like, try never making eye contact one time and the next time never breaking eye contact.
  22. Create an elaborate crop circle in the Kingdom Hall lawn
  23. Invite lots of publishers to other people’s parties
  24. If you really want to avoid sitting through the meeting, obtain one small straight pen or needle and insert these in the outside door locks and then leave. When someone tries to use their key, the key will go all the way in, but won’t unlock the door. The only way to get the door to open is by calling a locksmith or using a small rare earth magnet to pull out the pin.
  25. If you really want to distract everyone during the Watchtower study, buy a small and inexpensive tape recorder and using the files you find online under “cat sounds” record kitten sounds, and distressed kitten sounds. If you hide it in a good enough place, and play it by remote control or timer during the meeting, it will sound like a little kitten crawled in the ceiling, in the walls, under the floor, etc. and everyone will be focused on finding the cat, not the study.
  
  Yes, my very bad. "You go Yahweh, I’ll go mine but the funny shit I write about you online, won’t be kind." See for yourself at The Laughing Apostate!